Dealing with Difficult People
Ephesians 6:10-18
Sometimes the Truth is Necessary
Please allow me to stress that I am committed to exemplifying the standards of Jesus Christ’s teachings. He teaches us to be compassionate, loving, kind, and merciful. We can do our best and pray that we exhibit these behaviors on a daily basis. However, at times, this can be difficult because there are people in life who enjoy challenging a Christian’s good nature. They might try and deliberately provoke us to test our a Christian attitude. This is a manipulation tactic. If Christians are provoked to anger, then the difficult person can use it against us. However, if we don’t say anything then we must be weak in our faith and not a good witness for Christ. However, these tactics are all the devil’s tricks to get Christians to doubt where we stand with God. We should never cower down to insolent people when challenged with our faith. But, we must also walk the fine line of not losing our tempers and blurting out angry insults back at a difficult person. What I’m trying to say is, you can be a Christian but you don’t have to be someone else’s doormat. You shouldn’t let people take advantage of you with words and actions that are unbecoming of Christian behavior. You shouldn’t allow people to talk to you in ways that purposely try and provoke you to anger. You can handle these situations without getting back with anger. It depends on the situation, but using Godly wisdom and clever wit, you can keep difficult people at bay. (Please read my blog on Righteous Anger).
As Christians, we are to set boundaries against difficult and rude people. I know Jesus did. He had to. He was trying to save people and didn’t have time arguing with people that were never going to accept His salvation. They had no intentions of changing. Therefore, He had to move on and help those that wanted to be healed and wanted to be saved. The Pharisees and Sadducees were always trying to challenge Jesus’s good nature and His knowledge of God’s laws. There are times he responded directly and firmly and there are other times he responded in anger. He had to because they were teaching false doctrine and they were misleading others. They were also hypocrites! And Jesus could not tolerate their behavior. As Christians our good nature that comes from the spirit of God. However, we are allowed to be firm and direct when necessary. Please read Jesus’s responses in the Bible when He talked to the Pharisees.
Luke 16:14-15 (NKJV) – The Pharisees, who were lovers of money, heard all of this and were scoffing at Jesus. So He said to them, “You are the ones who justify yourselves before men, but God knows your hearts. For what is prized among men is detestable before God.
Luke 18:11-14 (BSB) – The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed, ‘God, I thank You that I am not like the other men-swindlers, evildoers, adulterers-or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and pay tithes of all that I acquire.’ But the tax collector stood at a distance, unwilling even to lift up his eyes to heaven. Instead, he beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner! I tell you, this man, rather than the Pharisee, went home justified. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”
Jesus’s directness harbors a two-fold, clever tact that was addressed within the context of God’s provisions of proper behavior. Like Christ, Christians are to be truthful, yet compassionate. We are to extend graceful, kind words offering advice (when asked) that is merciful and non-intrusive. With the Lord’s guidance and help, we are capable of being loving, kind, honest, and direct without crossing the boundaries of being sinful and exhibiting bad behavior. Christians are able to temper the worst and most difficult of treasonable characters on a daily basis without isolating our integrity. By nature, we have it in our hearts to give of ourselves. However, this kind nature must have the ability to draw the line and disallow certain people to cross the boundaries and portals of disrespect. If you doubt your own fortitude, I do not blame you because I felt the same way for many, many years. I felt as if being a Christian required me to be more than humble, more than gracious and more than hospitable. However, growing older and learning more about Jesus Christ’s walk on earth, I realize as Christians we are overcomers. We are doers. We have a voice and we are allowed to express ourselves in a proper manner that can glorify God and still maintain our dignity and witness to others. We were never called to be silent. We were never called to cower-down to the majority and we were never called to be trampled upon. There is a happy medium between being a forthright witness.
If you have ever slumped into a downward spiral and hopelessly cowered into a mire of guilt from offering your proper stance as a Christian in a society that honors hate, encourages rage, and offers assistance to violence, allow me to enlighten you. There is a more formal character and effective trigger that will keep your dignity and integrity within line of The Holy Spirit. When confronted by the devil or tempted by the devil, here are the best Bible verses to read that will help armor yourself with the true light of God and barricade the darkness of Satan.
Matthew 16:23 (ESV) – But he turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a hindrance to me. For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man.”
Ephesians 6:11 (NIV) – Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.
Ephesians 6:12 (NIV) – For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
Yet we are not entitled to fire darts of revenge and vengeance at-will relying upon mercy and grace to automatically forgive us when we feel like retaliating. No, that is wrong. You can take a proactive stance without being hypocritical, dogmatic, and an ineffective witness. Still interested? Then please, read on.
You can be a Christian warrior for God and walk the fine line of clever warfare without being a nuisance when witnessing to others and without losing others’ attention as well. How do we do this? I can offer myself some quick-wit tactics that have worked for me. One of my favorite responses to indignant and insolent behavior is to say calmly, with a kind demeanor, the following words:
“Please tell me, what is the source of your misguided information?”
Do not apologize for not understanding or misunderstanding insolence and degradation. There are no apologies necessary in this case. Merely stating that you do not understand and that you wish to be enlightened by another’s view is no cause for an apology. Yes, the question above is condescending, but sometimes, when dealing with this type of behavior, it may be the only way to handle a mocker. If you do not feel comfortable using the phrase above, then it might be best to adopt two traits of the British (which is probably better advice), “Keep a stiff upper lip” or “Never complain, never explain.”
There are other cases in which someone might approach you with inappropriate rudeness, unbecoming behavior, or retributive wickedness. When confronted, my normal stance would be to just walk away or ignore the behavior. However, there are certain instances in which this is not possible. One solid response is to change the subject. Change the subject, turn your attention to other people, and simply carry on. If that does not work then possibly this response would warrant the person’s intrusion and satisfy his or her unusual curiosity. Say these words very calmly and casually:
“Is there something different I can help you with?” Wait for the person’s response.
Other phrases you could use are listed below:
“Maybe someone else could help you. But, for now, I am not that person.”
“I wish I could help you with your problem, but I am not qualified.”
“Sometimes certain problems require professional help.”
If the person continues to thwart your stance, repeat the phrases above.
If the individual continues to rant and rave, then it is best to simply walk away.
Remove yourself from the situation if the other person refuses to move.
If you think this is unbiblical then please note Jesus’ words to the Pharisees and Sadducees:
Mark 8:11-12 (NASB) – The Pharisees came out and began to argue with Him, seeking from Him a sign from heaven, to test Him. Sighing deeply in His spirit, He said, “Why does this generation seek for a sign? Truly I say to you, no sign will be given to this generation.” Leaving them, He again embarked and went away to the other side (emphasis mine).
Jesus removed Himself from the situation to avoid an argument. He knew that trying to reason with the Pharisees would be a waste of time and it would not do any good for their motives were to trap Him. Jesus Christ did not have time to jump through hoops and skip over mouse traps. If Christ really cared about what other thought of Him then He would not have died on the cross for you and me. He lived in order to serve and do God’s will, not for the approval of the majority of people.
Galatians 1:10 (NKJV) – For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a servant of Christ.
Over and over, throughout the New Testament, Jesus Christ offered continual correction of the Pharisees and Sadducees. He became disgusted and exhausted by their false religious behavior. Constantly being confronted by their holier-than-thou behavior, Jesus became indignant toward them. He tried to teach and explain to them how wrong they were in twisting God’s word. He was trying to prove that their behavior was actually hypocritical and motivated by deep rooted manipulation. Hiding behind wicked motives to cover-up their own sin. They had the holier-than-thou attitude, yet they were educated to the point of being stupid.
As a Christian, we must all live in a never-ending, tumultuous world. This will not change. However, you can live a life of peace, joy, happiness, and self-worth knowing you are following God’s ingredients in the recipe of life. Those ingredients are found within the pages of the Bible.
I pray you walk in The Spirit today and go be Blessed by The Lord !!! God longs to be near you as you serve Him and do His will !!!
Love,
Annah
photo credits:
Why Do People Lie? The Truth about Dishonesty
Posted March 12, 2019 by Husson Online
“Put on the Whole Armor of God”, Rose Publishing (original photo)